7 key strategies to Overcoming Parental Alienation in Court!

A Proven Formula to Develop a Strategy
Designed to Attract Quality Professionals
That will assist you in
Getting More Time with Your Kids!...

The greatest challenge most people face when they have been stripped of their God given rights to have time with their children is not knowing how to combat this in the family court system.

Most target parents hire a lawyer who has been trained to practice the finite narrow issues of the law and to not focus on any allegations that their client has been falsely accused. Attorneys do this out of fear and lack of training on how to defend these types of allegations. They are also dealing with judges who have a confirmatory bias and most attorneys have this bias themselves. This phenomenon does not happen based on your attorney not wanting what is best for you it happens based on the very know fact that family law attorneys are not educated in the form of defense.

Family court is a unique branch of law where the evidence of criminal law and rules don’t apply. They want to look at what is “in the BEST INTEREST of the child”. The judge lets his bias rule. Family law attorneys know this therefore and they feel that some time with your child, even if it is supervised is a win for them and you. Most attorneys also fear if for some reason you were abusive and something happened to your child while in your care they fear that this might fall on their shoulders so they are compelled to do what they always have done.
This fear based practice in family law continues to spiral out of control while good parents are missing opportunities to spend time with their children, having an active role as a parent like they once had when their marriage was intact. So many attorneys just want to focus on the reason why their clients are good parents and the fact that they are right. Because they are right, attorneys feel their clients should have time with their children, they would prefer unsupervised but will settle for supervised because of the confirmatory bias that has not been addressed in court.

This lack of properly defending their client come from prior experience in the family court system they have a preconceived notion of what is going to happen and so they practice law accordingly. Unfortunately the family court system was not designed to look at what is right and what is wrong. The family court system is designed to look out for the best interest of the child. If you are a target parent of Parental Alienation and you have been falsely accused of some type of abuse it is your job to prove to the court not only that you were falsely accused but MORE IMPORTANTLY that you were falsely villainized by the other parent. Being right in this situation will not get you more time with your child. It will at best only help you take one small step in the family court. What usually happens is you feel vindicated for a brief period of time only to realize that you still have not achieved your goals. BEING RIGHT AND INNOCENT DOE NOT MEAN A VICTORY IN FAMILY COURT. IT DOES NOT MEAN MORE TIME WITH YOUR CHILD.

Understanding the this Very IMPORTANT detail of your case will help start you in the right direction in hiring the right people for your team. There are a couple of key components here that are vital to ensure that you have the right people on your team, looking out for you and your relationship with your child.

Let me first state that if there is bona fide child abuse then this MUST be ruled out before Parental Alienation can be found. Using these strategies will only work if there is in fact provable evidence that there was not abuse.

The first step in defending yourself in court is to hire the right attorney. Even if this family law professional is not well versed in Parental Alienation does not mean that they can’t be trained to understand the importance of this phenomenon called Parental Alienation.

Most attorneys don’t want to recognize Parental Alienation as a topic of discussion let alone a means for defense. So if you go in saying you are a victim of Parental Alienation most, if not all, attorneys will either dismiss this or they will agree but tell you there is nothing you can do about that, the court does not recognize Parental Alienation as a defendable means for custody and attorneys will want to move on to another tactic. DON”T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! The Proof of who you are as a parent and why the accusations of abuse are false lies in your hands. It is important to remember that your relationship with your child is most important to you so therefore it is you who as to do most of the work to prepare your legal team to fight for your rights in court. They are not the experts on your relationship with your child YOU ARE! So you MUST educate you legal team.

1. Before you ever meet with an attorney it is best to go into your first meeting prepared with your defense. Do not rely on your attorney to provide this for you. Remember it is your relationship and your time with your child it is most important to you. There are some very important questions to ask your attorney before you have them represent you. You can see these questions at this blog post http://getmoretimewithyoukids.blogspot.com/2008/11/10-questions-to-ask-attorney-when.html.

Once you are comfortable with the outcome of these questions you a ready to hire your attorney and get them prepared for your case. The next six steps will help you hone in on the finite details of your situation and provide you and your legal team the tools needed to take you case to court.


2. Create a chronology or outline of everything great or small that the alienating parent has done over the time frame of which you have been separated to denigrate you and to villainized you to your child and to the court. Be specific this one document could me the lifeline to your case. The more detailed you are the more detailed your attorney can be for you in court. Spend time with family and friends going over these things to jog your memory. Be honest. If you can’t remember don’t make things up. If you are truly being alienated from your child there will be plenty of evidence to support your claim. If you are unfamiliar with the passive aggressive behaviors of an alienating parent spend some time researching those behaviors. I guarantee you will read plenty of things that will direct you in preparing your chronology.


3. Once you have hired your attorney and they are prepared to defend you in court and they understand that you are not just wanting to prove that you are right but that you have sufficient evidence to prove that your ex is villainizing you and trying to destroy your relationship with your child. Hire an evaluator who can interview you and be an expert witness for you. This evaluator is someone who understands that there are clinically proven characteristics of a violent on even non-violent child abuser. There are also characteristics of a domestic violence abuser if this is what you are being falsely accused of. This expert is well verse in these behaviors and there is a standard evaluation process that happens to prove that this is not only not you’re the characteristics of your behavior now it was not how you behaved when you were married. If there were times when your child was left in your care when you were married without fear from your ex this needs to be exploited in court.

4. Be sure that the summary of witnesses have been interviewed and review by both you and your attorney. So many times the falsely accused parent goes into the court without ever having all of their witnesses interviewed or without reviewing what the other witnesses had to say and without giving there attorneys the proper tools to combat these false allegations. The court and everyone involved from the child evaluator to therapist and even your own attorney will err on the side of caution and not even evaluate the interview of the child, if the allegations are false almost always the child is claiming abuse with leading questions in the interview with the evaluator. These interviews are always recorded and more times then not this one piece of evidence is enough to prove that you are not abusive. You must demand that you have the opportunity to review the summary motions list of witness and affidavits of both sides as well as reviewing the evaluator’s interview with your child.


5. Once you have gotten your attorney and your evaluators to see that you have been viliianized by your ex to destroy your relationship with your child, then it is key to be sure that they are prepared to go into court on your behalf with as much passion and conviction as you to get the judge to IDENTIFY with you being falsely accused and having a judge empathize with you here is imperative to the success of your case. Your goal again is to not proof that you are right and that you are innocent you goal is to prove that you have been villainized by your ex. This is the necessary component to having time with your child.


6. Once you have gone through all of the preparing for your defense against the false accusations you need to take your case a step further and go into court with the assumption of the only outcome possible which is the parenting arrangement you desire that truly is in the BEST interest of your child. Prepare this parenting plan with as much detail and care as if your very life depended on it or more importantly the life of your child depends on it. Once you have gotten the judge to empathize with you, to feel your pain and the pain of your child. Then you have to have the next step. Waiting for the judge or your attorney to decide what is best will always result is an undesired result. Tell them what is best. Show them why it is best. BE prepared. The judge is not going to place your child into your custody or give your more custody based on your saying you are prepared you have to show them you are prepared.


7. Take a parenting class and be sure you complete the calls and get a written certification from the class. Take the certification to your attorney before you go to court so that you have this to present along with all of your other evidence, this is additional proof of the quality of parent you and your commitment to being present for your child and proving once again you are doing everything you can to be the best parent you can possibly be for your child. Just because you have gotten the judge to empathize with you does not mean they will give you what you want right away. They are still operating on the old bias and fear. Often times they will take baby steps and in cases where there is Parental Alienation, time is not on your side. So why wait for the judge to err on the side of time and caution and require you to take parenting classes. Be prepared for this and take them before you go. Everyone who is a parent can benefit from parenting classes. Taking them does not prove you are bad parent, quite to opposite, in fact, it shows the judge and your legal team that you are a good parent and that parenting your child is the most important thing to you. It is a proactive approach to being the best parent you can be.



The end result is of course you have successfully turned your case of Parental Alienation around and taken control of your life and your relationship with you child. These tasks are not impossible; they may be difficult, but not impossible and even in severe cases of Parental Alienation there is hope.


Remembering that this is a VERY emotional process and remembering the hurt and the pain of being alienated from your child will most likely be one of the worst pains you ever feel. Just remember they are being brainwashed they really don’t now why they are behaving the way that they are, and DON”T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY! Unconditional love is not a two way street. that this is not an easy task and this cat won’t be skinned by traditional conventional family law practices is important. It will be skinned by stepping out of the box. Taking charge of your life and your relationship with your child. It will happen by taking victim out of your vocabulary. There is no room for a victim in your family life with your child. There is only room for the unconditional love that you were put on this earth to give to your child when you made the decision to bring that child into this world. Your child and you deserve nothing less the a healthy loving relationship and in order for you to have it you MUST be proactive in taking the steps of very serious legal matter and work with competent team that has been educated by you about your specific situation. You can try to do these things on your own are you could hire a coach to mentor you and guide you through this process to assist in maximizing your results.

10 Questions to Ask an Attorney when Dealing with PA

Before you ever meet with an attorney it is best to go into your first meeting prepared with your defense. Do not rely on your attorney to provide this for you. Remember it is your relationship and your time with your child it is most important to you.

There are some very important questions to ask your attorney before you have them represent you.

a. What is in your opinion does “In the best interest of the child mean to you”

b. If I can prove to you that I have been falsely accused of abuse what will you do to defend my case and why?

c. What do you know about the judge hearing my custody case and how does he view Parental Alienation?


d. What do you know about parental Alienation and how do you feel about it?

e. Have you ever used it as a defense in a custody case and was it effective?

f. If you don’t feel that Parental Alienation terminology is a one that can be used in family court, yet you believe that this phenomenon happens, how would you feel if I were to provide you with the tools needed to defend my position?

g. I understand that I am hiring you to defend me in court and to arrange custody that is not only suitable for me, but more importantly what is best for my child, how comfortable are you with presenting in court the provable detailed chronology proving that my ex has charged me with false allegations of abuse to denigrate me and destroy my relationship with my child?


h. I know that there will be witnesses provided on both sides. How detailed are you at following up with those depositions and affidavits to be sure that no stones goes unturned? Using all of our assets to provide the best outcome possible.

i. Since we all know that legal fees in custody and divorce cases can get very high what type of policy or guarantee can you give me if I am providing you with all of the tools you need up front to effectively defend and protect me and my child in court to keep my fees as low as possible?


j. Lastly as you can see my time with my child is important to me to ensure that my child has a healthy loving relationship with both of his/her parents. I am doing everything that I can to be sure that I have a productive day in court and to ensure that I am heard and that we are successful. It is not as important for me to be right, as is it for me to be successful. I want to be sure that we are in agreement on this and that we are both of the same understanding of what this means. I understand that family court has run the same way for many years and so many families fall victim to the system and I do not want to be one of these families. I understand that I can’t control the behavior of ex but I can control how we approach this judge and this court and I want to be sure that when a custody arrangement has been put in place by the judge that if the arrangements are broken by my ex that there are enforceable consequences so that time does not pass and continued denigration happens and I and do not see my child. What actions are you prepared to take on my behalf to ensure that consequences are enforced and that I see my child?

Once you are comfortable with the outcome of these questions you a ready to hire your attorney and get them prepared for your case. This is your life and your relationship with your children. It is most important to you so therefor it is most important that YOU prepare you legal team. For additional strategies and to go deeper into your personal case please join me at http://www.getmoretimewithyourkids.com

Creating Successful Parenting Agreements,
Dorcy Russell

5 Self Loving Things To Do When You Are Faced With Parental Alienation.

1. It is important to remember that your child’s behavior and rejection of you is a by product of brain washing and that even if your child is being malicious and creating their own horrible version of the truth this is based on the fact that children can only see in black and white or right and wrong terms and they have difficulty discerning the difference between what is truth and what is fiction. Contributing to the brainwashing is the “power of the crowd” phenomenon recognized by psychologists when extended family and friends join in. We all are familiar with this phenomenon because of our own personal experiences and varying levels of this phenomenon and it is key to NOT TAKE YOUR CHILD'S REJECTION PERSONALLY and TO NOT BLAME YOUR CHILD FOR THE PATHOLOGY OF THE ALIENATING PARENT. YOUR CHILD STILL LOVES YOU HE/OR SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER HOW WHILE THEY ARE CAUGHT UP IN THIS SYNDROME.


2. During the discovery and process of PAS it is vital to remember that you may be a victim of PAS but you don’t have to have a victim mindset. It is important to take care of yourself during this difficult time and to love yourself and stay strong and connected for your child. If you do not have a therapist or a coach it is recommended to interview several to be sure that they have a full understanding of PAS and that they caring, skilled and knowledgeable. The acceptance that they give you will be modeled and internalized by you and will become a very vital component to your therapeutic and coaching process. Find ways to nurture and sustain yourself. You know what nurtures you so, do it! Make sure that you include mind body and soul.

3. When your child has refused all contact, repeated contact must be maintained at all times. You as the target parent must call, write, and attempt contact with your child, especially around holidays, birthdays, and other significant occasions. A great way to remain connected with today’s technology is to create a website or an online mode of communication for your child. You can also keep a journal for those of you that do not have any contact with your children create a daily journal where you can share your positive thoughts and feelings if you were having a conversation with your child. This will help you get feel connected to your child and you could provide your journal as a loving gift to your child when you have reconnected and reestablished your bond. Remember that without contradictory evidence, the child has no way to see the alternative reality.

4. During this time of separation it is very important to build inner tools and find inner strength. The use of things like creative visualization, positive self thought, and thought-stopping of negativity and the creation of positive images are examples of some of tools that I teach in aiding you in the process so that you may be in the best frame of heart and mind when you reconnect with your child. Some of my clients have visualized things like a bridge or a golden cord extending from their heart to the heart of their child, some visualize with adding a song that they shared with their child or a song that has meanings of love and connection. Some even visualize their child being guided to them by the hands of a divine being. What you choose to do here is what you did when you were with your child that helps you feel connected. Do what you need to do to identify and process what you are feeling because if you feel what you are feeling it will heal you.

5. Develop a spiritual awareness. The use of prayer, different forms of meditation, energy work, affirmations, traditional methods reaching out and building a support system of friends and family members as well as groups of others going through the same process, educating yourself and those around you so that you stay abreast to the latest strategies and developments in the family law. These types of techniques assist in providing hope, inspiration, and perseverance in a situation that seems impossible. They provide a level of “spiritual parenting” and a sense of control in a circumstance that is beyond your control.

You are in control of your own life and it is vital to remember to take care of yourself so that when the time comes for you to reconnect with your child you are whole and ready.